If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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