I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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