Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
