Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
