i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
