White coat. Heels.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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