I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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