i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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