i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
