It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
