We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
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all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
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She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.