Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I need moral support for this bender
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now