i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos