I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
