He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
