So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
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do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
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I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.