Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
