i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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