I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
