The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so explain again why im purple
no
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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