And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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