what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
