I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
