Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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