I feel great
I just peed on a car
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
