Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
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stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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