There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
