It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
