Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Someone signed my nipple.
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