You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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