Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
