return my video game
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
