She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
last night I used snow as a chaser
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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