Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
