so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
