i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
