Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
