i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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