I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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