Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
