i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
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