Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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