please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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