He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
