Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
