I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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