Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
