Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
