operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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