Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006

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(407): View more from Florida

I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"

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(214): View more from Texas

I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me

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(970): View more from Colorado

i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final

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(760): View more from California

blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.

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(915): View more from Texas

Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please

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(330): View more from Ohio

No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit

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