I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
