Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
