That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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