Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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