Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
