It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
