some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
