Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
