Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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