My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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