Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
