they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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