Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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