Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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