There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
