his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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