Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
