We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
