I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
