You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
