I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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