you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
