Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
BRING THE BAGELS
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
