kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
